Anxiety - Part I

I haven't posted much since October. I've had to..hmmm...let's see..what is it that I've been trying to do?

Re-prioritize?

Simplify?

Get a grip?

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This is a big topic. I've decided I'm going to do this in parts. Here is Part I.

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What is ANXIETY?
If you've experienced "acute anxiety", you understand what I'm talking about. If you haven't experienced it, you might not understand how debilitating it can be. It's not just "being nervous". It includes panic attacks, and can also be Panic Disorder.

MedicineNet.com has a good description of symptoms, if you'd like to read it.


In his book "Overcoming Panic Attacks" Ray Comfort presents this scenario:

You are in bed, when you are awaken by a creak on the floor. You see a huge man, with a stocking over his face. He is holding a gun. Your heart races with fear. Your mouth is dry. Fear paralyzes you. Your racing heart is taking too much blood to your brain, causing your mind to go blank. The inability to respond makes you panic, causing your breathing to be irregular. This causes a cold sweat in your legs, hands and face. Adrenaline is pumping through your body. The stranger smiles an evil smile, and cocks the gun. You know you are going to die.

THAT is what an attack of irrational fear feels like. But there is no gun, no stranger, no threat of death. Yet, those are the same nightmarish feelings.

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You might think that since I included the "clinical" descriptions of anxiety, or because I use the medical terms, that I'm just chalking it up to a physical condition. It is physical - but it can also be emotional and/or spiritual. I will talk about all these areas.

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I've had anxiety and/or panic attacks in the past. But this October, it was different.

In retrospect, I can look back and see that I should have seen it coming. I had had small spurts of anxiety - kinda like I felt it creeping up. I felt too busy and overwhelmed by always being on the go. I felt soooooo tired of always having to be someplace else. I was feeling exhausted and at the end of my rope. But I thought I'd been shaking it off pretty efficiently.

At one point before it all happened, I had felt the urge to fast. Quite out of the blue, I had the thought that I should fast and pray to combat anxiety. I thought it was a great idea. But I never did it. I wonder if God had spoken to me, and I didn't heed the warning

I hesitated writing about it. I didn't think it was worth rehashing it. But it culminated with learning to hang on to God with all my might. So I will write about it in order to a) help others that might be feeling the same things (you are not alone!) and b) remind myself what God has done (I am not alone!).

Stay tuned for...What I Experienced - Part II

Baby Come Back!

I decided to try the Swiffer Wet Jet. Just for kicks. And because Sam's Club had the starter kit.

I have a linoleum floor in my kitchen. It's white and has little grooves where all the dirt gets trapped. I have, on occasion, gotten on my hands & knees and taken a green scouring pad and scrubbed each groove until my floor looked all white. But mostly, I just mop as best I can, and live with the linoleum floor that I'm not that crazy about...knowing that one day we'll put in a good floor.

Anyway - back to the Wet Jet.

I tried it. And I could not believe how DIRTY the cleaning pad was after the first run-through.

But I was thrilled that maybe...just maybe..I could finally get those little grooves clean! Woohoo!

Below are photos of the first, second and third cleaning that I did - one right after the other. Yuck! Disgusting! I'm almost embarrassed to show the photos.

But, Wow! I am sold on the Wet Jet - it definitely lifts the dirt off your floor, don't ya think?

Ouch Report

When I saw the caller ID at 1:45pm, I wondered what was wrong. It was my son's school. And the secretary took so long to get to the point...

Hello?

Hiiiii...Thiiiiiis iiiis Jennnniiiifffeerrr froooommm schoooool. (pause) I haaaaave yooouuuur sonnnn iiiiiin the offffiiiiicce...

I wanted to yell - JUST TELL ME IF HE'S OK!!!!!!!!!!

***

Well, the sum of the matter was that he cut himself with scissors.

On the nose.

Yeah - he cut his nose with scissors.


***

Is he crying? - I asked.

- No, He's doing ok, he's not crying.

Is it bad enough to need stitches?

- No. But it's bleeding a bit. (pause) Actually, the bleeding seems to be stopping now, he's been applying pressure.

OK. So we should come get him then.

(By this time, Hubby, who had picked up the phone at the same time and heard the whole thing, was running around looking for his shoes and his keys.)

***

We walked in and there was that sweet little boy, sitting in the office with his feet dangling from the chair, holding an ice pack wrapped in a paper towel against his little nose. I had him remove the towel so I could see. On the tip of his nose, there was a little red "U". He had cut the tip. The bleeding seemed to be almost stopped. He kept dabbing it, and leaving little red "u" prints on the towel. But then as we sat there talking with the school secretary, he seemed like he wanted to cry. But that kid...he never cries. Oh - he cries if you cut his waffle wrong. Or if he misses an all-new episode of iCarly. But for a skinned elbow or a...snipped nose? Nope. No crying here.

But he's OK. We got him home and cleaned his cut and put a little band aid strip on him so that it wouldn't get messed with accidentally. (Little boys have a way of rubbing their faces on carpets, couches, stuffed animals, etc.)

The school gave me a paper with "Ouch Report" printed on top. The incident was described as: "Snipped nose with scissors in class". Add that to the list of phrases I'd never thought I'd hear.

Back to the Grind...

Haven't quite gotten back in the swing of things after our trip. This is the hallway - every room in our house pretty much looks like this:

Before:

Aaaaah...much better now...

After:

I cleared out the hallway, but now my room has all the sorted laundry. Notice how high the underwear pile is!

All in a day's work...

Reunion Time!

It seems like only yesterday that I posted about my class reunion coming up, and about how I needed to lose some weight for it! But it's here - tomorrow morning we leave for our weekend trip to see all my old friends! I am excited!

I managed to lose about 12 lbs - not quite the 20 I wanted to...but still, its something! The best part is that I think I have changed some habits so that I can keep going until I lose those 40 lbs I need to. (30 lbs left to go!)

I wish today weren't' so busy so that I could spend the day packing, but what the heck, I'll pack tonight. Little Boy has a 1/2 day at school, and then we go the dentist for both our check ups. (Our dentist is about 30 minutes away - I refuse to find one closer because I've been going to his office for 11 years!) So, assuming there's no traffic, we'll probably be home around 4pm or so. After which, I've got to do laundry so that I can actually have something to pack. I hope to leave around 9am tomorrow morning, which will get us to my hometown around 5 or 6pm.

I'll be posting photos remotely on my other blog - my "picture blog", so keep on eye on that for a peek at the fun I'll be having!

Later!

Change is Good

I have no idea why I'm sitting to blog, of all things. I have to leave here in 10 minutes to pick up Little Boy at school! Yet, here I am anyway!

Last week, Hubby went to the Dr. and was told he needed to change some things. He has high blood pressure, is overweight, has high triglycerides, and very low good cholesterol. Not good. And so we begin the process of changing his habits. Avoid sugar, sodium and saturated fat. What's left to eat???? I started re-reading the South Beach Diet, and I think that is what he really needs. I printed out the food list and sent him on his way.

So I was wondering what I was gonna make for dinner. No more grabbing dinner on the way home from Karate class...even if we make a low fat choice, fast food is full of sodium. I threw some chicken in the crock pot, and searched the pantry for something to throw in there with it. I usually do a can of stewed tomatoes...but they're full of sodium. I also sometimes throw in a can of cream of mushroom...but its full of sodium. It's a bummer that Sam's Club sells the "standard" stuff only...not the low sodium or low fat version. I'll have to head to the actual grocery store..or maybe Henry's.

But guess what? I had some fresh tomatoes, so I chopped them up and threw them on the chicken, and then a diced onion, and then some sliced fresh mushrooms. I sprinkled some garlic powder, some fresh ground black pepper, a PINCH of salt, and then as an afterthought...1/2 cup of white wine. See? I CAN make a fresh healthy meal!!

Wow, has it been 10 minute already? Better hit the road...

Nothing Today

Today is Thursday.

Laundry Day. PTA Meeting. Soccer Practice. Dishes are piled (not too high - Thank You, Lord). Nerf Guns and Darts all over the Living Room. Bills to Pay. No Milk in the fridge. We're out of Bar Soap. Out of Dog Food.

I woke up at 5:30 with a headache. Felt like someone had shoved a sharp pencil in the base of my skull and had it exit out my forehead. I took some Excedrin at 6. Figured I'd feel good by 6:30.

I didn't.

Somehow got Little Boy ready for school and got him there.

Came back and jumped in bed. Counted the minutes til I could take MORE DRUGS!!! at 10:30, I took some Motrin. (after googling if I could take Tylenol and Motrin together...)

I felt nauseous. My poor hubby kept calling me to see if I was OK.

I got up to get the ice pack and put it on the base of my head. It felt good. I somehow fell asleep for a bit. Not long, though.

I got up at 12:30 and had a cup of coffee cuz I figured my body is used to the caffeine and I certainly don't need a caffeine headache on top of this one.

I paid some bills.

I ate a soup.

I got an email from some health site that said that lack of water is a cause of headaches. I have seriously neglected any water intake the past few days.

Filled my sipper.

Its 2pm and I should probably take a shower before I pick up Little Boy.

I feel like blowing off the PTA meeting and soccer practice. I could if I wanted to.

Well, I could.

The world wouldn't end. At least not because of that.

I feel slightly better, but still kinda dizzy.

Gonna shower now.

Accomplished nothing today.

The Cut-Off Load

Laundry.

The mere word probably made you shudder. (Unless, of course, you're my sister, who's husband does the laundry - in which case the word made you feel feelings of affection...)

I have two laundry days: Monday & Thursday. Each day has about 6 loads of wash.Unless it's the day I wash the bathroom rugs and/or bedsheets - then it's about 9 loads.

Most weeks, my two laundry days end up leaking into the other days, so that I have piles of sorted laundry in the hallway for days at a time. Then the family comes home, changes clothes, and the hamper keeps filling up before I can even get it empty.

Introducing...the CUT-OFF LOAD.

Let me explain. If I keep grabbing clothes out of the hamper as quickly as they are piling into the hamper, the laundry never ends, right? Well, I've decided that when I sort the laundry at the beginning of the day - THAT'S IT! I won't add clothes to the day's laundry if anyone comes home to change. The final load I sort is THE. CUT-OFF. LOAD. Clothes that are added after this load will simply have to wait till the next laundry day.

It's really not as easy as it sounds. I've had to fight some neurotic tendencies to accept the cut-off load. Sometimes I cant be comfortable knowing that the hamper has clothes while I'm doing laundry. It just seems wrong. But if you're the same kind of neurotic about this - trust me, if your mind knows that there's an organized cut-off load method at work here, it's easier to accept. Its when you start grabbing an additional shirt here, or a dishrag there that you feel like you gotta do it all or nothing! Don't do it. Just embrace the cut-off load!

And now, please excuse me while I go put yesterday's cut-off load to wash.

Pests, Homework, and Crockpots

I totally knew that I should have listened to my "inner pest controller".

This week I had the thought that I should spray the perimeter of the house for ants. And I distinctly remember thinking, "Wouldn't it suck if I didn't do it and then regretted it when I saw ants invading?"

You know where I'm going with this, don't you?

Yup - I didn't do it and we saw ants in our pantry last night. It wasn't a full-blown infestation, but there were a few ants cruising around. So I put on my mask and goggles and went to grab the spray. However, I soon remembered that I had used it up last time I sprayed. So I rummaged around the garage to see what else I could find. I found a pink can of Raid Ant Spray, so I began to spray the outside with that, until the can was gone. So I went into the garage again, rummaged some more, and found a can of Raid Spider Spray, and a can of Raid Flying Insect Spray. I wondered if ants are picky about what kills them, so I read the ingredients. They all contained different active ingredients. But being that this was an urgent task, I figured I'd just spray what I had on hand, and buy the other stuff this week. I decided to use the Spider Spray first. I sprayed that....until that ran out. On to the Flying Insect Spray. (Although being that you're supposed to spray that into the air to kill the insects while they're flying, it has a very "airy" spray, and its hard to aim it at something specific. Keep in mind, it was nighttime, so I am out there in the dark, with my mask, goggles and a flashlight, hunched over...spraying. Furthermore, the flashlight was one of those no-battery-just-shake-it-to-charge-it flashlights, so it's not all that bright. I felt a spider web on my legs at one point and quickly aimed the light at my legs. I saw a spider on the ground, and it was jumping around really springy-like. Yick! So I sprayed it for about 30 seconds straight. It was still jumping! (Evidently, spiders ARE picky about what kills them.) And here's the creepy part - I took the flashlight off of it for a second, and when I put it back on the puddle of Raid to look at the spider again...it was gone!!! (reminded my of a Friday the 13th movie).

I'm happy to report that there are no ants in the pantry today, so I gues my hard work paid off. Either that, or the ants are avoiding the Ant Sprayed area, and are opting to go the long way around and enter though the Flying Insect Sprayed area.

In other news...

This was our first full week back at school. Little Boy worked hard all week! He has never appreciated a weekend like he appreciated this one! He had a lot of homework all week, along with soccer practice twice a week (1-1/2 hours in 101 degree weather), and Karate twice a week. Its too much, and I wonder if we should give up one or the other, but he loves them both. He has patched all week (See my Coat's Disease Blog if you dont know what I mean about patching). AND...we've established that sugar is his enemy when he needs to focus on school and homework. So we've ruled (I've ruled, actually....) that there be no sugary anything Monday through Thursday. Today (Sunday) he had french toast for breakfast, and let me tell you, I could totally see a difference in him compared to the no-sugar week we just had! I've been really proud of him with his efforts and yes, I've let him know that!

My 20 year old started a new semester this week as well, but so far, nothing too exciting is going on besides the usual hard to find parking spot and the overpriced textbooks!

I can't really say that I'm running an organized household now that school's back in progress. But, I have hopes that I might be soon. Last week another mom and I were organizing a "Welcome Back to School" breakfast that was at our kids' school, so we were busy all week getting that planned. Hopefully this week will be a little more "normal"....you know, like I'll actually cook at least one meal or something like that!

One more thing before I go, though. I found an awesome website, which I read about on another mom's blog! The person creating the site is a mom and she has resolved to use her crockpot for everyday of 2008! So there is a post every single day with a new recipe. She has photos, as well as her verdict on how it turned out. The writing is VERY entertaining and funny, and there are a lot of good recipes and great links on there too. It's "A Year of Crockpotting". I hope you go check it out! I haven't tried any of her recipes yet, but I'm kinda excited about trying some out! My usual crockpot fare has consisted of soggy chicken - but she's got things like banana bread (yes, baking!) and lasagna!

Well, today is Sunday, and a new week is before me! It would be awesome if I could get a jump start on tomorrow's laundry! At very least, I should go check to make sure Little Boy has clothes to wear tomorrow. Laundry - the fun that never ends.

Two Bits of Advice & One Question

Note to self: Never, ever, buy WHITE rugs for the bathroom again. It appears that people's feet are actually DIRTY when they're stepping into the shower or bathtub. Hence, the brownish color on the once-white rugs.

I decided to wash them today. Which leads to the next bit of advice...

Stop using Fabric Softener. I use Downy or Suavitel cuz I love the way clothes smell when I use fabric softener. Today, I put bleach into the bleach dispenser, and it promptly spilled on my feet. It appears that the dispenser was CLOGGED with WAXY, BLUE-ISH stuff, and so the dispenser had no choice but to overflow.

(Never mind the fact that I don't actually PUT fabric softener in the BLEACH dispenser...but that's a mystery to be solved another day. I have a couple of people to interview on that topic...)

So I've spent the last 1-1/2 hours cleaning out the gunk from my machine. I've googled how to do it...some say vinegar...some say vinegar ruins your machine. Some say use CLR cuz it's "natural", then they say, make sure you have adequate ventilation cuz it is "toxic" (natural AND toxic, huh?) So I used a good, old fashioned towel and brush and scraped it off. YUCK.

After a bit of Googling, I decided - no more fabric softener. I've been using liquid cuz I heard that dryer sheets are bad for your dryer..so now I surmise that the choice is to A) ruin your dryer, B) ruin your washer, or C) go without. I choose C. Hard scratchy clothes, here we come. Also, I read that Arm & Hammer detergent contains "washing soda" which, according to to the information highway, keeps your pipes clean. So, there you go.

Ever dream that my blog might actually be informative? Nope, I didn't either.

Now, for the question: HOW MANY TIMES CAN "THE VIEW" RE-RUN THE EPISODE OF MICHELLE OBAMA???????

I don't watch it every day. Just once in a while. And these random viewings have caught the same episode of them interviewing Michelle Obama THREE times. (and I figure those are only the ones I've caught). It was an OK interview. She seems like a nice lady. I just wonder why I haven't caught any McCain reruns. Things that make you go, "Hmmmm..."

That's it for now. Just wanted to complain for a minute.

Tuesday - 8/19/08

We were gone all weekend and when we got home, the house was clean - because that's how I left it. Two days home and the dishes are stacked up in the sink, the table in the TV room is filled with games, remotes, cups, toy cars, papers... and the most annoying thing to see...the pillows from the couch are thrown all over the floor. One day, instead of puffing them up and placing them neatly back on the couch, I'm gonna assume the discus-thrower position and I'm going to FLING them out the front door. Obviously, I didn't do much yesterday - just hung out and relaxed - hence, the messy house. But come on...TWO days in the house should NOT a disaster create. But, it does.

"We're out of bottled water", I was told. We always have cases of water in the garage. But they will die of thirst in this house if I don't lug a case of water in from the garage and put the bottles in the fridge. In an act of immature defiance, I have placed the case of water on the kitchen island just to see if any bottles ever make it into the fridge if I don't do it.

Today, Little Boy and I were invited to go see Space Chimps with a friend of mine and her two boys. (By the way - the movie was surprisingly good). After that we went to lunch. After that, we came home briefly, but then were off to karate class. After which we went to the Bible Book store to buy Little Boy a bible for school (he needs an actual bible in 3rd grade!). Of course, he decided on the leather bible with silver-lined pages and the thumb index. He sat and started reading Psalms right then and there, and kept telling me that this was the perfect bible for him! I wanted to go with a cheaper bible, but it seemed to me that he loved that one and was excited about reading that one. So I went with it.

...And I say all that to say...I didn't do much around the house today, either.

But guess what? I don't care. I always have to do it eventually. So who cares if I put it off a day or two. (Someone does, but it ain't me!)

However - in unusual behavior, I decided to start planting stuff. Now, here's the thing: gardening is not my thing ( I kinda hate it). But I hate my yard, so I figured I would take a three-foot length of our side-yard at a time, pull out the already sparse and dying grass, add a bag of soil, and plant something. Anything. My first project is a tropical looking leafy thing that I've had in a pot for a couple of years. The roots are starting to come up and its getting way too big for that pot. So what the heck, I'll throw it in the ground and see what happens. Then, when the urge hits me again, I'll do the same with another three-foot patch of grass. So tonight while little boy played outside, I pulled some grass up, and I used that four-pronged sharp thing that you stick in the ground and twist. I kept hitting something, so I decided to dig it out. It was a ridiculously HUGE rock. About the size of half a loaf of bread. Maybe tomorrow I'll dig-n-twist some more. When I feel the ground is ready, I'll dig a hole and put the plant in. (This is major gardening for me!)

I can't want until school starts so I can do these things without feeling like I should be doing something to entertain my child. Although when school starts, I'll feel like I should be doing something like trying to sell my handmade jewelry to boutiques, or trying to find a part time job somewhere. At which time I'll probably feel like I should be home cleaning or volunteering at school. There's no winning. NO matter what you do...you're not doing something else. (How's that for a nugget of wisdom?)

And so you say, "maybe if you spent less time BLOGGING...."

But that, my friend, is what keeps me sane!

July 21, 2008 - Monday

Monday again!

Last week hubby worked at home all week. It always puts me in a weird frame of mind, cuz it seems that he throws my "schedule" off when he's home. But it's summer vacation and Little Boy is home too, so my schedule is kinda thrown off anyway. Also, since we're in penny pinching mode right now, it's good to save on the gas and the toll road charges that we'd pay if he had gone to work. I did notice something else, though - there was about half the amount of laundry last week, since Hubby just threw his same old shorts and t-shirt on every day!

I also did something else that ended up being a great idea - even though I did it unintentionally. I cleaned half the house on Wednesday, and then the other half on Thursday. Each day took about an hour, and my house was clean! (Which makes me wonder why it takes me ALL day to clean the house sometimes, but ok, whatever...) I ended up doing this because on Wednesday, I had some ladies over for our weekly bible study. I thought I'd just clean up the front rooms: Living/Dining room, Kitchen, TV room, and of course, the Guest Bathroom. So the next day, all I needed was the laundry room, Little Boy's room, and the Master Bed/Bath. I think this is a method I might adopt regularly!

I know this isn't a "dieting" blog (I'll resist the urge to start yet another blog...), but I will share my dieting progress. I was getting a little frustrated, cuz after two weeks of 1500 calories, I had lost one pound, and I kept losing/gaining/losing the 2nd pound. OOOoh, I was getting downright mad! My friend very gently told me that maybe I need to avoid "empty calories". For example: 100 calories of broccoli, and 100 calories of donut, are not equal. Really? I thought they were equal. Don't read that sarcastically - I really thought they were equal. A calorie is a calorie, right? I mean,why should it make a difference as long as I stay within my allotted calorie intake? But ok, I thought it was worth a try. And then, I read that your body does not care how many calories you eat daily, it cares how many calories you have per meal. Therefore, if you have a high calorie meal, your body will store fat, even if your daily calorie intake is low. Hmmmm. So, I started eating nutritious, low cal meals every 2.5 hours. Yeah, just like a baby. I even set the alarm on my cell phone and put it in my pocket. I did this for one day...and I had lost 2.5 lbs by the next morning. Coincidence? I dunno. But I'm definitely eating every 2.5 hours from now on.

Hubby, on the other hand, has lost about 8 lbs. His method of weight loss? Watching me diet. That's it. He's just watching me diet, and the pounds are falling off of him. (GRrrrr!)

Well, off I go to start..no...off I go to continue my day. I've picked up the stray stuff around the house. I've started laundry. Kitchen is clean. Little Boy has eaten breakfast and is watching a movie. We cleaned out the office this weekend, so I have a few "yard sale" items sitting in my living room, so I'll have to find a place to store those things until the elusive yard sale happens. I have a pile of filing to do (hubby has saved every bit of paper from his entire life, and it makes his nervous to think of getting rid of any of it!). But once that pile is nicely filed away, we'll actually have some room in the office. Not much more room, but a little bit. (At least we'll be able to get to the window now.)

So it seems that this Monday is off to a semi-organized start. That makes me happy. Hey, I should throw something in the crock pot so then dinner will be done! (I love not having to think at 5pm about what's for dinner!)

Until next time!

July 11, 2008 - Friday

Yesterday I decided that I had finally "had it" with this filthy messy house. I spent the whole day cleaning. I started at 7:30am and I was still going at 4:30, when Hubby got home. Whew! I was kinda cranky and tired by then, and I was working myself up to being even more cranky by telling myself that these boys were gonna all come home and start making a mess and we'd be back to the dirty messy house that we were. Am I the only woman who does this - be home all day and start "thinking" - and by the time hubby gets home, I'm all worked up into being mad and annoyed at something he hasn't done yet??????? Sheesh. Poor Guy.

...and the fact that my period is due today is totally irrelevant.

Later that evening - after dinner - we were sitting in the living room in the dark with the fan hitting us, chatting, and he got up to get something to drink, and I said I was gonna go do laundry - and he starts saying - "No - don't go! Sit with me!" Which I guess "sounds" sweet..but it annoyed me, cuz I thought "Ya know, just cuz you're off from work, does not mean that my job ever ends. Quit make me feel like I'm doing something wrong just cuz I wanna go fold your underwear!!!!".

Yup, I feel silly typing it now. Please tell me that you can relate.

It's just that I was tired. I spent the whole day picking up everyone's "stuff"; cleaning the dribble off the side of the toilet (3 males in the house); sorting dirty underwear; chipping the petrified food off the dishes; and winding up & finding the proper home for at least three thousand phone/video game/headset/laptop/ipod charger cords; dust, vacuum, mop...you get the idea. And I did all this with NO air conditioning. Plus, I had to find time to go run a couple of errands, and then, when I was all done, I had to run Little Boy to karate lessons (which I did not feel like doing). When I got back, I heated up dinner (Thank you, Lord, for leftover spaghetti), and then I discovered a trail of ants heading from the lawn into the garage, up the wall and into the ceiling, so I put on the gloves, mask and sprayed the entire perimeter of the house. I was tired.

I hopped in the shower to so I could put on my jammies and relax , and hubby decides he wants us to "take an evening drive". OK, well, don't feel like it - but he worked all day and if it gives him a small pleasure to take an evening drive, how can I say, "Nah, dont' feel like it"??? Ugh.

At some point, I gotta get a hold of myself and say - "Hello? You cannot be cranky woman all night - remember you asked God this morning to let the Holy Spirit guide you in everything you do! That does not mean that you can spend the rest of the evening making snippy comments at your family!!!" So, I got a hold of myself.

***

So here I am this morning thinking: Aaaah, I love getting up to a clean house. It's so relaxing. I'm gonna sit here and have my coffee, and catch up on some blogging, which I haven't had the time to do all week. I'm gonna catch up on my jewelry business paperwork for that I've been putting off (receipts and inventory). I know that Little Boy has been going to bed late and sleeping till at least 9am, so I've got a couple of hours of peace and quiet, since it's only 7am.

But guess who's up? Yup, Little Boy. And being the godly mother I am, I said, "What are you doing up at 7:30????? It's too early!!!! You have to go back to bed!!!!!"

As soon as I heard myself, I realized how dumb THAT sounded. I looked at his little sleepy eyes and felt like the loser mom that I am. So I hugged him and smiled. And I thought, no problem, he can watch cartoons or something while I'm on the computer for a little bit.

Except that he woke up kinda chatty.

I used to think: I don't mind my SAHM "job", it's the interruptions that drive me nuts. But I've learned that the interruptions ARE the job. So I'll finish up this post and go get him some breakfast. (breakfast in in my house means a bowl of cereal).

Later this morning I'm gonna meet some moms for lunch at "Chick-Fil-a". That should be fun for us AND for the kids, since they have a little indoor play area. Plus, since I'm Little Boy's primary playmate (is that called a "Primate"?) most the time, he'll be glad to play with some other kids.

Sometime today, I'll have to finish up the laundry(started it yesterday, as I mentioned, but did not finish). And I'll have to find time to organize my business paperwork later this evening. I'm somewhat organized already, but I've fallen behind. Story of my life.

I also gotta remember to take the SUV for a smog check. Registration was due yesterday and when I went to pay it, i saw that I had to smog it. Fun.

Which reminds me - I also gotta file taxes for my jewelry business soon (gotta pay that sales tax!).

Always a million little things to remember, isn't there?

***

On the bright side - I started "dieting". Yeah yeah, I shouldn't use the word "diet". But come one, I'm counting each calorie I consume - so as ugly a word as it is - I am dieting. In one week, I've lost 2.5 pounds, which is right on schedule for the 2lb/week goal I'm going for. We've also been walking in the evenings, so that helps.

Well, I better start the day since my quiet morning of solitude has ceased to exist. My poor Little Boy - how could he possibly know that his sleeping late keeps me sane by providing me with necessary alone time????? He can't. He just felt like getting up and he did. I better go be a good mom to him. The Lord gives me patience and lets me know when I'm being selfish. It's not wrong to need alone time, or enjoy alone time, or to even have things that are fun or make me happy or give me satisfaction. But when I put aside my family to do those things, then I gotta stop and get my priorities right. I am truly self seeking by nature. Lord, please help me to put my family first and not be worried about the extra unnecessary things in life. Let me first do the things that make my family feel happy and loved. I always seem to find time for the other things when I put my family first - but I don't find time for the family when I put the other things first.

Off to start the day...

Can I do it?

I got a call from my childhood best friend today. She lives in the small town where we grew up and keeps me posted on all the happenings. It's been 25 years since we graduated, and apparently, some of our classmates felt like we couldn't let the 25 year mark pass us by without having some sort of event.

So, they planned an informal get together (carne asada cookout at someone's house) in October. My first thought is that I would LOVE to see everyone!

My second thought is that I don't want to go because I'm too fat.

My friends (who were here when i got this phone call) said I shouldn't let that stop me from going to be with friends. And they are right. But I just hate the thought of being seen.

And you know, I've been saying for years now, that I have to lose weight one of these days. And, to be honest, I was there five years ago for my 20 year reunion, and I know that I'm not MUCH fatter now than I was then. So, really, what's the big deal since they've already seen me fat?

I talked with hubby about it and he said that we both need to lose weight, and that maybe this short term goal would actually motivate me. After all, I have three whole months. Enough time to lose something. Maybe I wouldn't be Twiggy by October, but I'd definitely feel better than I feel now.

But there's something more. I'm afraid of saying I'm gonna lose weight because I'm afraid I wont be able to do it. I hate to say that - it sounds stupid. But that's how I truly feel. Afraid of failure. Afraid I'll get my hopes up of looking good, and then I'll still be big fat me, just like always. How do people lose 100+ lbs? We see it all the time on TV! I only need to lose about 40 lbs. Should be a piece of cake. (Mmmm, cake...)

But I'm thinking that this just might be possible. I have 12 weeks. At 2 lbs per week, I could lose 24 lbs. So maybe I can try to lose 20 lbs.

It just seems so impossible to me. WHY???? I hate feeling like I can't do it. I am afraid of failing in this. But I think I have to try. Not just for this event - but because I have to. and this event just came along to give me a kick in the butt. Think about it - if it were a year away, I'd think I had a lot of time and I would procrastinate. But three months is not long - yet long enough to do something.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. Maybe if I say it enough times, I'll believe it.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Yikes - it's Monday. I feel overwhelmed thinking about all I have to do.

I just looked at the calendar and see that some DMV registrations are due today (the 2 motorcycles and the quad). So I'll have to get to AAA today to get that done.

Plus, I have to take the dog's paperwork to the City to renew his registration.

Which reminds me, I can't forget to get Little Boy registered for his swimming lessons. Was it this week that they start a new session, or next week? Argh.

Of course, I need to quickly get the house picked up and laundry started - ideally before Little Boy wakes up.

And some time today, I have to make sure that I get an account opened up to begin accepting credit cards in my jewelry business, since I booked my first jewelry show (my sister's show). Not sure how long it takes to activate an account like that, so I better get it going quick.

I should probably plan tonight's dinner, since I don't wanna feel overwhelmed when the times comes - and the day will fly by before I know it.

And the fish tank looks a little murky - I really have to get that cleaned out today. I put it off last week, and it looked bad then.

I also have to make sure the 20 yr old mows the lawn today (mental note: make sure he puts the right kind of gas in the lawnmower - regular gas, not pre-mix. Regular is in the big white container, pre-mix is in the small red container). Plus, I really need to find the time to sit and chat with him about his responsibilities here at home - and his attitude.

I wanted to get my hair cut today. Wonder if I'll have time.

I usually change the bedsheets on Mondays, but maybe I'll skip it this week...although, come to think of it, I think I skipped it last week...but come on, how dirty can they be? ..we shower before bed...ok, I'll skip it.

But as I remember, I have been putting off the ironing too, and its stacking up. Poor hubby doesn't have those shirts to wear if they're sitting in the basket, but he never complains about it. He just wears the same old knit shirts that don't need ironing. I better get to that this week. Not today though.

I talked to a friend at church yesterday and she mentioned going to the "free movies" (Some theaters show family movies for free during the summer) I don't think I'll be able to go this week. Maybe next week.

It's 7am.

I got up at 5:45 - got hubby up and out by 6am. What have I been doing for an hour??? Eesh. I gotta get off this computer and get going for the day.

Think I could possibly fit exercise into my day? How about playing with my child? Or...most importantly...I've noticed that the days I've been blogging about have not contained any bible reading. That needs to be a priority!

- that, and exercising.

- those two things, and playing with my kid.

- those things, and planning a date night with hubby, because if I don't, we just fall into "maintaining" our household as co-workers - and that's not good.

- all that, and making sure I spend time with my friends, because they give me the encouragement I need to do all of it

Yeah, those things are most important.

But I still have to make sure I pay the DMV today. And register the dog.

I am definitely overwhelmed today. Better get going and away from this office. I'd love to sit and have my coffee while I watch the news for at least a 1/2 hour...but my 20 yr old's friend spent the night in the family room, so...sssshhhhhh...I gotta be quiet - and I definitely can't clean up that room right now.

I guess I really don't have time for the hour by hour blogging today. I gotta hit this day running.

June 26, 2008 (Wed)

NOTE: I am really starting to bore myself with these hour by hour entries. How about you? I should have started this during the school year for some high drama!

5:30 am already? Make breakfast, coffee and lunch for hubby...

6am - Computer time.

Side note: I gotta tell you what I did last night before I went to bed. When I got in the shower, I took a Mr. Clean Eraser with me (if you've never heard of it or tried one - FIND ONE AND BUY ONE!) While I was showering, I scrubbed my shower. I felt so good when I went to bed, knowing I didn't have to scrub the shower today! I used to use Comet and/or Scrubbing Bubbles, and I would scrub for a long time, but it would never quite get clean cuz it has all these little grooves on the surface. One day, I tried the Mr. Clean Eraser and it just wiped clean! Amazing! (is it sad that cleaning my shower is a highlight?)

6:30 - Coffee, bowl of cereal and morning news

7:30 - Start Cleaning the house!

9:30 - Still Cleaning. Little Boy just woke up - a tiny bit crabby

Put away the HUGE pile of clean clothes that has been sitting in my room since Monday's laundry.

I don't feel like cleaning, so I'm kinda in s l o w m o t i o n. I keep stopping to do unimportant stuff. Some days are like this, and some days I get done quickly! If I can get done by noon, I'll be happy.

1130am - Lunch - cuz I'm starting to feel the coffee boring a hole in my stomach

Little Boy is with his brother and they are cracking up, watching the Chocolate Rain video on youtube (and all the spoofs related to it..their favorite is McGruff the Crime Dog singing it). and they keep yelling, "MAMA! MAMA! COME WATCH DARTH VADER SING CHOCOLATE RAIN!!!". Ok, I'll humor them.

Noon - OK - all I need to get done is the kitchen. But I'm gonna shower and get dressed first.

1230 - The 20 year old left for work, and the trash is ONCE AGAIN full. But it's not quite overflowing. I consult my mom network (send cellphone photo of trash can with a text to another mom) and we decide that it qualifies as "full", therefore, worthy of a "fine".

1pm - Prepare car for doggy-ride to the vet

(Just so you know, this is a major outing for the dog. And to give you an idea of what I'm in for, I refer to him as the "bucking bronco". )

2pm - At the vet. That dog is hard to wrangle through a parking lot and store. The floors of the store are slippery for him, so he is moving his legs as fast as he can, but he's just sliding and not going anywhere cuz he's on the leash. People look at us and laugh. (writing a check while holding onto him is a barrel of fun)

3:45 - Finally home. And covered in dog drool.

One thing I forgot about was that the door in the back of the SUV is broken, so instead of staying up when you lift it up, it falls straight down. So when I got to the vet, I lifted the door, and then remembered it was gonna fall on my head, so I put my hand up real quick, and the door fell on my fingernail and it ripped a little bit way low in the pink of the nail. Ouchie.

4pm - Finish cleaning up the kitchen and the laundry room.

Did I mention the toilet needs fixing? The chain that lifts the flap in the tank broke. Hubby took the cover lid off the tank and said we could flush it by hand (in the tank) until we got it fixed. I connected the flap to the chain with a safety pin, and viola! its fixed!

Uh-oh - Little Boy has karate tonight, and I didn't wash his shirt. (it would seem logical to invest in another shirt, but alas, I'll probably just have him wear it dirty...after all, he's just gonna go sweat in it again...) And furthermore...we somehow lost one of his karate shoes. We searched everywhere but can't find it. So now we gotta buy him another pair.

4:15pm - Whew! Just finished mopping the kitchen

Gonna sit and have a soda after that job! Gonna see what's on Dr. Phil real quick.

Never made it to Dr. Phil cuz I had to put new batteries in a Darth Vader Head, and then I got busy doing something else.

I feel kinda bad that I haven't done too much with Little Boy today, but he played with a friend yesterday, and tomorrow his aunt and uncle will be here, so its ok for him to have a mellow day, I guess.

Ya know, it seems that I'm not mentioning any tantrums or me losing patience with him, but he's been pretty good! Also, I feel it worth mentioning, that a few months ago, I was tormented with myself for always feeling impatient and yelling at him. I asked God to give me patience and guess what, He did. I'm not saying I don't yell at him. But it's really decreased a lot. I imagine if I keep blogging about my days...you'll get to experience some of the frustrations. Usually they come during the school year when there's the pressure of homework, and getting things done before bedtime. Right now we're free as birds. (Chirp Chirp)

4:45pm - Little boy is walking around right now with his Darth Vader head on. It was cute at first, but now I'm growing weary of the voice changing sound it makes.

He wants to go play out front, but I say No, he can go out in the back cuz I can't watch him in front at the moment. So he is having a cow about it. (Come on, dude, cant you see I'm blogging?????) I tell him that I have been cleaning all day and now I am taking a few moment to relax - absolutely true!

5:45 - to karate! (reading time, yay!)

7:30pm - home for dinner. My friend, Del cooked for us today. You know Del, don't ya? Del Taco? (We can all eat for $10 off the value menu!)

After dinner - outside to play!

Friend of mine called and is babysitting granddaughter and they stopped by to visit for a little bit.

10pm - showers and George Lopez Show.

11pm ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

1 am - fell asleep too long! Now I gotta lug the 60 pounder to his own bed. (this is a BAD habit we're getting into here. Summer vacation is full of broken rules, isn't it?)

Until tomorrow...

June 25, 2008

Note: This is a relatively uneventful, boring post. Just thought I'd warn you beforehand.

Today I have written off doing anything useful. And you know what? I'm ok with that. It's taken me a while to realize that some days, nothing gets done. What I've learned is that the "mess" will wait for you. It will still be there when you decide to get to it. Your kids, however, grow up too fast.

I got up at 7:30am and got dressed (and nagged Little Boy into getting dressed!) and headed to my mom's for a weekly bible study. We ended up going a bit long, but it was good.

At around 11:30, I left and ran home cuz the dog groomer got there and I had to give her my specific directions. ("Shave his butt and sorry that it's full of poop".)

Groomer was done at around 1pm - Groomer said he was full of foxtails (little stickers) and that she had removed a lot of them, but he still had a lot.

1:30 - Ran to Wal Mart with hubby. (he worked at home today)

2:30 - Hosed off the back yard for any pre-grooming poops that might still be laying around.

3:30 - Wasted/spent time on the internet.

4:30 - Hubby said he hadn't eaten all day and wants food.

Dinner today was canned baked beans with chopped up wieners and a side salad (I am committed to "no frills" dinners this week!)

5pm -Little Boy wanted to do his worksheet book (bought him a 2nd grade book at Sam's Club to do this summer so he doesn't get "rusty" on all the stuff he learned this year!) He did a few pages and had fun!

5:30 - suggested we take a walk - and this time, we took the dog AND the hubby! I think we all enjoyed it (and needed it!)

7pm - Hung around outside with hubby and Little Boy, and also removed a TON of stickers from the dog's fur/skin. (ouch...can't believe he let me do so many)

7:30 - YACKED ON THE PHONE!

8:30pm - YACKED WITH HUBBY for awhile sitting in the dark living room with Elton John blasting.

9:30 - Watched TV with Little Boy (Home Improvement)

10pm - shower time for Little Boy

10:30 BLOG!

Think about what I've got to do tomorrow - take the dog for his rabies shot, and clean the house cuz my sis and her hubby are coming on Friday! (not that it will be clean by Friday if I clean it tomorrow...)

11pm - Shower and Bedtime (to finish reading The Penny)

June 24, 2008

NOTE: I know this hour-by-hour thing will get boring pretty quick - so I won't do this forever. Just enough times for you to get the general idea. After that, I can just fill you in on the "highlights" of my day.

Yeah, highlights. Like the dog story below - that is definitely what you call a "highlight". Ugh.


5:30am - up and running: make coffee, breakfast, and pack hubby's lunch.

6am - Get on computer, check emails. Finish blog post from last night.

6:30 - Wow, I feel like I kinda am getting a headache. I'm gonna lay on the couch and watch TV to see if I can get rid of it.

8:55am - WHAT? I slept for almost 2-1/2 hours?????? Sheesh. But at least my headache is gone.
I cant believe Little Boy is still sleeping - I'm enjoying a quiet cup of coffee..

9:15 - He's awake!
We argue about the fact that yes, he has to brush his teeth every morning.

9:30 - clean up around house: make beds, put stray stuff away

10:30 - only 85 degrees today - maybe we should go walking. I'll take the dog, too.
I get myself dressed and tell Little Boy to get dressed.

11am - We're out the door. BUT, as I'm leashing the dog, I notice that everywhere he sits, he leaves a BIG POOPY BUTT PRINT. (this is gross to even write about..but if you are mad at me cuz you have to read it, remember, I had to live it) As I'm wondering if I should even take him when he's this grossly dirty, he proceeds to SHAKE HIS WHOLE BODY, AND POOP FLIES EVERYWHERE. (Its in slow motion in my memory) So I stuff him back in the yard and we go walking without him.

I hate that dog. I really do. And if you are an animal lover and disgusted by that statement, you are certainly welcome to come clean the poop off his butt anytime. I'm so glad the groomer comes tomorrow.

The walk was nice - Little Boy was very chatty.

Noon - back from our walk and into the showers cuz we felt we still had poop on us (plus we are really sweaty)

Lunch.

After lunch I wasted/spent some time on the internet.

2pm - Patched Little Boy. Because of the fact that he hates this so much, and will cheat/peek if left to his own devices, I need to be with him every moment of his patching so that:
a) he won't cheat
b) he'll be distracted and it will be easier for him.

3:30: started preparing dinner (chopped tuna salad) so I can throw it together later.

Also realized that my 20 year old has ONCE AGAIN left the house without emptying the kitchen trash can. It is in a constant state of overflowing. Last week we told him that he would be fined $10 each time he left with the kitchen trash full. I guess we gotta do what we say, huh?

4pm - clean up, and pick up stray stuff laying around the house.
Continue laundry

And...waste/spend more time on the internet. (funny how I'm really conscious of every minute spent now that I"m blogging about it.)

5pm - Find Karate Clothes in the pile of clothes on my bed. (Again, thank you , Lord that at least it's a pile of clean clothes!)

5:30 - go to Karate class. This is semi-enjoyable because I have an excuse to sit and read for 45 minutes (woohoo!)

7pm- On my way home, gotta stop and get some goodies for tomorrow's bible study.

Get home and "assemble" dinner

7:30 - Help hubby fold up and put away water slide. BLAAAGH - the ground underneath smells like a sewer since the slide has been sitting there for three days!
Plus, I also hose off the sidewalk, cuz there is DOG POOP BLOBS all over the place. I soooo hate that dog.

8pm - Finally sit down for dinner. Hubby is kinda nervous about eating "salad" for dinner.

8:30 - Hubby and I sit in front room for about an hour and "chat".

9pm - BLOG, read news, search recipes on internet. (yeah, I"m on the computer again - got a problem with that?)

10:30 - Showers and pj's

11pm - read in bed for awhile. (Reading Joyce Meyer's novel, "The Penny" - so far it is very sad)

Midnight - ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz...

It's Monday Again

It's Monday again. A new start. New aspirations for the week.
I'll keep the house neat every day. I'll do my housework really quick so I can sit and enjoy my son being home for summer vacation. I'll plan the menu for the week. I'll make little boy pick up his toys every night before going to bed. And I'll start patching him regularly like I should. I'll start walking...and dieting. Life will be much more organized...starting today. Yes, Monday is a clean slate.

I wake up at 6am and get up with hubby. I make his coffee. But there's nothing to make him for breakfast and nothing to pack him for lunch. Mental note: go grocery shopping today.

6:30 - Hubby goes to work. I sit and have my coffee and watch the news on TV. But the Coffee tastes gross! I see that the coffee is not "brewing" all the way through. Run Vinegar through pot to clean it out. Run fresh water through it to clean out the vinegar. seems to work OK.

7am: Check email and finish blog post I started last night

8am: Start laundry

9am: Little Boy wakes up and wonders who he should invite to play with him on his water slide. Mental Note: Go grocery shopping really fast so we can invite a friend to play with him.

9:30: Remembered dog's rabies is due this week. Need to groom him before I stick him in the car to take him to the vet, cuz his butt hair has a bunch of poop balls hanging and I don't want that in my new car. Called Vet for info. Called Groomer to schedule an appt.

10am: Mom calls - needs me to take her to deliver her "specimen" (don't' ask) to the lab, and then she needs to pick her her RX at Walmart.

Continue laundry.

Hmm...Bathroom clock has stopped. Better change the battery now while I'm thinking about it.

11am: Shower and make Little Boy get dressed and ready so we can take Mom on her errands.

Noonish: Pick up mom. Go to lab. She takes us to lunch (McDonalds inside Walmart).
But mom isn't picking up her RX...she's only just getting it filled. Walmart's pharmacy is closed between 1230 and 130pm. (Annoying!) Now we gotta walk around Walmart, killing time. (I hope I still have time to grocery shop and invite a friend to play!)

1:30: (finally!) Mom drops off her RX. They say it will take an hour. She'll have Dad pick it up later.

2pm: Little Boy really doesnt wanna go grocery shopping with me, so I take him and Mom home and go shopping by myself (much more enjoyable this way anyway). I hit Sam's Club, and then Albertons for the stuff Sam's doesn't have. Hope the food from Sam's is OK in the trunk while I run into Albertons - it's so hot in the car.

3:30: Get home, put groceries away. Gotta pick up Little Boy.
Before I got, I'll take clothes out of dryer, put in new load to dry, and new load to wash.
An I better turn on the water for the water slide to cool it off.
Oh yeah, better give the dog some water, since its 105 degrees outside.
While I'm at it, I better water the plants.
One more thing - I should check the machine to see if the dog groomer called. Yes, they called, I really should call them back right now to schedule that appt.
One last thing while I'm thinking about it...call playmate to see if he can come play. No one's home, left a message.

4pm - go pick up Little Boy at Mom's.

4:30 - We're home. He' s mad cuz nobody is here to play. I've called three neighborhood kids and nobody's home/available. I tell him that's just life and he can just go play by himself today. I tell him that instead of being angry, he should be thankful that he's had friends here for the past four days. He's not agreeing and he storms off to his room. I tell him to go to him take 10 minutes to cool of cuz now he's just being rude to me. We do this a few times until he finally cools off. (I'm making a conscious effort to not yell and get angry at his little tirade! I'm trying to "model" self control, after all)

5pm - finish cleaning up kitchen and family room (a disaster!)
Continue with laundry

5:30- start preparing dinner (roast beef and cream cheese wraps, cuz it's too hot to cook!)

6pm - Hubby's home so I scramble to assemble the wraps. Oh, he's not hungry cuz he ate a big lunch and he's been snacking all day and he just guzzled a Gatorade on the way home. I feed Little Boy and myself. (Mental note: next time I make wraps, less cream cheese and more roast beef. Otherwise, they are good!)

7pm SIT ON THE COUCH...AAAAaaaah.
Wow, all of a sudden I feel tired. I mention this to hubby..he says "why?" (Why??? Why??? Gee, I don't know why I'm tired, after all, I've been sitting and watching soap operas and eating bon bons all day, right?)

7:30: Hubby is yelling from the yard..."do you know where the drainage holes in the grass are?" We spend time poking holes in the grass looking for them - we found a couple. (We are draining the water slide).

8pm - Gotta sit and watch American Gladiators with Little Boy.

9pm- He decides he wants mac and cheese.

930 - Sit and write this post.

10pm - Shower time for Little Boy.
I wonder where my older son is? I better give him a call. (he's always busy with various things in his schedule: Work, Band, Girlfriend, having fun...)

Oh, he's home. He's been home since 8pm and has been asleep in his room. He's cranky and hot (we're not running our air cuz we dont wanna pay the high electric bill. Yes, we are all suffering through this heat wave). I tell him to come out to the living room where it's cooler. He does and we sit and chat in the dark for a few minutes.

10:30 lay down with little boy to watch TV till he gets sleepy. We watch George Lopez. (totally not a kid's show, but he likes it and I'm too tired to argue)

11pm - Make sure Little Boy gets up to pee, cuz he drank something at 10pm.

1130 - I shower, and get in bed. Read for a while.

Midnight - Time to move that 60 lb sleeping boy to his own bed. Man, he's heavy.

Goodnight...