July 11, 2008 - Friday

Yesterday I decided that I had finally "had it" with this filthy messy house. I spent the whole day cleaning. I started at 7:30am and I was still going at 4:30, when Hubby got home. Whew! I was kinda cranky and tired by then, and I was working myself up to being even more cranky by telling myself that these boys were gonna all come home and start making a mess and we'd be back to the dirty messy house that we were. Am I the only woman who does this - be home all day and start "thinking" - and by the time hubby gets home, I'm all worked up into being mad and annoyed at something he hasn't done yet??????? Sheesh. Poor Guy.

...and the fact that my period is due today is totally irrelevant.

Later that evening - after dinner - we were sitting in the living room in the dark with the fan hitting us, chatting, and he got up to get something to drink, and I said I was gonna go do laundry - and he starts saying - "No - don't go! Sit with me!" Which I guess "sounds" sweet..but it annoyed me, cuz I thought "Ya know, just cuz you're off from work, does not mean that my job ever ends. Quit make me feel like I'm doing something wrong just cuz I wanna go fold your underwear!!!!".

Yup, I feel silly typing it now. Please tell me that you can relate.

It's just that I was tired. I spent the whole day picking up everyone's "stuff"; cleaning the dribble off the side of the toilet (3 males in the house); sorting dirty underwear; chipping the petrified food off the dishes; and winding up & finding the proper home for at least three thousand phone/video game/headset/laptop/ipod charger cords; dust, vacuum, mop...you get the idea. And I did all this with NO air conditioning. Plus, I had to find time to go run a couple of errands, and then, when I was all done, I had to run Little Boy to karate lessons (which I did not feel like doing). When I got back, I heated up dinner (Thank you, Lord, for leftover spaghetti), and then I discovered a trail of ants heading from the lawn into the garage, up the wall and into the ceiling, so I put on the gloves, mask and sprayed the entire perimeter of the house. I was tired.

I hopped in the shower to so I could put on my jammies and relax , and hubby decides he wants us to "take an evening drive". OK, well, don't feel like it - but he worked all day and if it gives him a small pleasure to take an evening drive, how can I say, "Nah, dont' feel like it"??? Ugh.

At some point, I gotta get a hold of myself and say - "Hello? You cannot be cranky woman all night - remember you asked God this morning to let the Holy Spirit guide you in everything you do! That does not mean that you can spend the rest of the evening making snippy comments at your family!!!" So, I got a hold of myself.

***

So here I am this morning thinking: Aaaah, I love getting up to a clean house. It's so relaxing. I'm gonna sit here and have my coffee, and catch up on some blogging, which I haven't had the time to do all week. I'm gonna catch up on my jewelry business paperwork for that I've been putting off (receipts and inventory). I know that Little Boy has been going to bed late and sleeping till at least 9am, so I've got a couple of hours of peace and quiet, since it's only 7am.

But guess who's up? Yup, Little Boy. And being the godly mother I am, I said, "What are you doing up at 7:30????? It's too early!!!! You have to go back to bed!!!!!"

As soon as I heard myself, I realized how dumb THAT sounded. I looked at his little sleepy eyes and felt like the loser mom that I am. So I hugged him and smiled. And I thought, no problem, he can watch cartoons or something while I'm on the computer for a little bit.

Except that he woke up kinda chatty.

I used to think: I don't mind my SAHM "job", it's the interruptions that drive me nuts. But I've learned that the interruptions ARE the job. So I'll finish up this post and go get him some breakfast. (breakfast in in my house means a bowl of cereal).

Later this morning I'm gonna meet some moms for lunch at "Chick-Fil-a". That should be fun for us AND for the kids, since they have a little indoor play area. Plus, since I'm Little Boy's primary playmate (is that called a "Primate"?) most the time, he'll be glad to play with some other kids.

Sometime today, I'll have to finish up the laundry(started it yesterday, as I mentioned, but did not finish). And I'll have to find time to organize my business paperwork later this evening. I'm somewhat organized already, but I've fallen behind. Story of my life.

I also gotta remember to take the SUV for a smog check. Registration was due yesterday and when I went to pay it, i saw that I had to smog it. Fun.

Which reminds me - I also gotta file taxes for my jewelry business soon (gotta pay that sales tax!).

Always a million little things to remember, isn't there?

***

On the bright side - I started "dieting". Yeah yeah, I shouldn't use the word "diet". But come one, I'm counting each calorie I consume - so as ugly a word as it is - I am dieting. In one week, I've lost 2.5 pounds, which is right on schedule for the 2lb/week goal I'm going for. We've also been walking in the evenings, so that helps.

Well, I better start the day since my quiet morning of solitude has ceased to exist. My poor Little Boy - how could he possibly know that his sleeping late keeps me sane by providing me with necessary alone time????? He can't. He just felt like getting up and he did. I better go be a good mom to him. The Lord gives me patience and lets me know when I'm being selfish. It's not wrong to need alone time, or enjoy alone time, or to even have things that are fun or make me happy or give me satisfaction. But when I put aside my family to do those things, then I gotta stop and get my priorities right. I am truly self seeking by nature. Lord, please help me to put my family first and not be worried about the extra unnecessary things in life. Let me first do the things that make my family feel happy and loved. I always seem to find time for the other things when I put my family first - but I don't find time for the family when I put the other things first.

Off to start the day...